You were the best thing I ever had.
I want to say I am sorry that my demons screamed louder than the song of your quiet affection. Your depression consumed you. I only wanted to share the weight together.
You said you need time and unsure how long. I need — no, needed — your truth. You speak no words, lips paralyzed. My heart begs to fill the silence with love but all I can do is scream.
You found out you fell in love with a monster, and you thought you could tame it. Didn’t you realize the danger of that?
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Editor’s note: Just because you need something doesn’t mean you’re owed it.
Also, if you love this newsletter, you’ll love this profile on our heartbreak queen, Ms. Anna Marie Tendler. Here, read this, by Harper’s Bazaar’s Emily Gould:
She completed the degree last year, in spite of everything. In early 2021, Tendler was writing hundreds of words a day for her thesis, “The Lip Filler Phenomenon: Modern Medicine, Kylie Jenner, and Post-Feminist Sexuality.” “I truly do not remember writing it, but I got it done,” she says. In one of the upstairs bedrooms of her house, she sat looking out the window onto the beautiful, sometimes bleak woods that surround her house and wrote a 78-page academic paper about the use of cosmetic fillers throughout history.
Like, damn. It would take me writing my own 78-page academic paper to dissect why this resonates with me so much, and makes me want to both laugh (LIP FILLER!!!) and cry. -jz